Most people assume that relationship problems are about communication. Learn to use “I statements,” practice active listening, pick your battles. And while those skills certainly matter, they only scratch the surface. For many adults struggling with recurring patterns in their romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, the real issue isn’t a lack of technique. It’s something much older and much less visible.

Psychologists who work with relationship difficulties increasingly point to deep-seated relational patterns, many of which formed in early childhood, as the driving force behind the conflicts that show up in adult life.… Read more